prompt · random

The way it is done

Prompt: Write about marriage and family

Why is it we always have to explain why we do not do things the way it is done? And people then pity us because we choose not to follow this destined path of so called normal?

I wonder because the destined path of so-called normal is you get married, you buy a house and then you pop out some babies. Now, I believe firmly that everyone has the right to marry. As in, if some segment of society has the right, then other segments of society should have the right. It is a human rights issue and is as simple as that. Although apparently people try and make it into a religious issue when it comes to same sex marriages. Frankly there a lot of us out there in the world who are not religious at all and are pretty insulted people are trying to limit the rights of others based on religions that certainly are not universal by any means.

However, just because I believe everyone has the right to marry does not mean I want to get married. I have never really been fond of the idea to be honest. Maybe because I am not religious and it has less meaning to me. Maybe because a long term committed relationship to me has just as much meaning to me. Maybe because I am far too cheap to spend that much on a one day freaking party. Being in a common-law relationship is the same tax wise. And it would be the same separation of asset wise as well. I have been in a common-law relationship for 17 years. Longer than most of the marriages around me have survived. So that is something. And if I so desire on a whim to get married it will be on my own damn time… and likely for any legal differences between being married vs common-law. It will be cheap and quick and simple. I have not romanticized the idea of it for sure. Yet of all the questions I get asked that is one of the top ones with family: so when are you getting married? Maybe never. Don’t expect much if I do. It seems a rather outdated concept to me.

We also have not had children on the proper timeline. First because we cannot. Which is a rather large obstacle. However, there are many people with infertility out there that are really making an effort of it. We, on the other hand, are not. We can not and then chose not to make an effort of it. Partly because I am in poor health and that is not likely to improve if one makes an effort of it. I can just imagine going off all my medications and how unpleasant that would be while I make a go of it. I can imagine this because at one time I had done just that. People always make sad faces at me when I say we cannot have children. Ah, poor you. Like I am broken or something. Damn barren uterus. At least it is less puzzling to them that people who choose to not have children. However, then I get the onslaught of questions of what I am doing about it. What tests have I done? What treatments have I tried? Am I going to adopt? And then I admit, well, no, we really are not making any effort on that part as we have chosen not to. Then that sort of sad perplexed look crosses peoples faces. What to say, what to say? I save them by making a joke and moving on. Poor saps don’t get I really do not envy them. I like to sleep in actually. I like to save my money really. I like my free time in fact. Other peoples kids? They are fine in small doses. I like cats. I’ll just be a cat person.

The fact is the path of so-called normal does not exist and never has existed. Everyone has their own path. Often their are bumps that make it less than normal. Oops I had a kid too early. Oops I had five kids instead of 2.5. Oops turns out I can’t have kids. Oops I got a divorce. Oops I got two divorces. Oops I choose not to marry at all.

Sometimes I think people are so disproving of other peoples’ lifestyle because they are so damn obsessed with what normal should be. Even though the concept of what a normal family looks like has not existed since the 50’s and likely not even then to be honest. Normal today is getting divorced really. That is normal statistically. Not exactly what one wants.


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