The life

New year, new me? Not even close


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I have been sick since the middle of November and certainly still am on January 1st. I am chronically ill, but this is New symptoms. New chronically ill fun. And it has made it difficult to write lately. You see I have been getting vertigo, disequilibrium, dizziness and lightheaded. And it is very disorientating but it is also brain sapping like thinking through molasses. When the dizzy spells hit I can’t do anything, too much to do anything. You can’t think through that. After that finishes I get this persistent and long stretch of being lightheaded and that is impossible to think though. It is like your mind became think and unable to reach information. You zone out and don’t comprehend much. You can’t read well and can’t write well.

So it is impairing my progress on my current novel.

Illness always sucks. I should know I have been chronically ill most of my life. But you cope and you get used to it. This new beast? Not used to it. Not used to its effects on the body yet. Not used to the effects on the brain yet. All I know so far is it is better in the morning and far worse at night. Better with constant rest, worse with any activity.

What is the culprit? No idea. Could be a very long lasting vestibular migraine not responding to any treatment. Could be something else entirely.

But I do not like that it is taking away my capacity to read, unless it is early in the day (on a good day) and write well (aside from blogging which doesn’t require I remember plot, characters and so forth).

I get myself a visit to a neuro and a CAT scan out of the deal but apparently they are both taking their time since I do not even have appointments yet. I would like to figure this out before I miss too much work and my brain melts.

But it is the time for resolutions, is it not? And I still plan on finishing that novel and submitting it. It will just take more time than anticipated.

One thing I can anticipate is that chronic illness is unpredictable by nature. But it won’t stop me from editing and writing my second draft.

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4 thoughts on “New year, new me? Not even close”

  1. I’m so sorry you’ve got all this going on now too… But I love your resolve, the determination and positivity to still do what you want to achieve, but just working around the problems and with your body. I’m finding all too often now that I’m having to rethink goals, the path I’m on, the way I want to go about doing things – you’re spot on with saying how unpredictable illness can be! Sending hugs your way Nikki… Caz xx

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